Tuesday, August 28, 2007

Total Lunar Lullaby


I set me ol' alarm clock for 1:45am PST. I awoke all eager and with dogged determination to see something good. It moves sloooow. I spent the next hour nodding off and then waking in a panic to run outside.

Didn't look so "Total" as in 'dramatic' the way I always hope, but there was a 'Blood Moon' - kinda appealed to my imagination and brought to mind witches, paganism, kids stories and that movie with Sandra Bullock and Nicole Kidman. And most importantly of course, our existence on a floating ball in space. Scary. Wooo!

The moon was coppery and reddish. It took a good hour until I gave up. Lunacy. I witnessed it. I saw more stars than usual. Then I fell asleep. And for once, slept soundly and didn't hear the world's loudest sprinkler system go off for a change.

My imagination worked overtime. It's confirmed. I'm the definition of a "Moon Child."

Awe inspiring photos of the event, photographed by moi here:

http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=5403&l=0300e&id=602237775

Monday, August 27, 2007

"Those who wish to sing always find a song"

I wrote this back in Dublin just before this past New Year's eve, which was a very difficult time. I don't think many that should have caught it, did, so I'm reposting on this new blog. A few months have passed and I think about it, and all of you, often. It's all still so hard, but I'm glad you're all still hanging in with me.
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December 28, 2006

"Those who wish to sing always find a song"

...the above is an old Swedish proverb.

I used to love to sing; can't carry a note, but that never stopped me from belting one out, without notice, at the top of my lungs. And I thought I knew the lyrics to just about everything.

I used to hear songs everywhere and would happily sing along. I heard them in my family; little notes in little voices, in the faces of the kids I love; friends' kindnesses; in the kindness of strangers; in my kitty cat; in places other people didn't notice; in many a joke-filled hour. All this helped fill my repertoire. I sang along - with gusto.

I knew my life had changed on New Year's Eve 2005. I remember the moment. It was instantaneous. I just knew my life would never be the same. And I was right. It was hard to hear anything. An invisible presence skulked around me, stalking me - pulling at me, pushing me down, dragging me backwards, holding on and threatening to smother me until I could barely move or speak, let alone sing - until April of this year, when it engulfed me whole, muffling me completely.

I realize maybe it isn't that I can't find a song, I just haven't wished to sing. I know that I'm surrounded by beautiful notes and music; I'm reminded of that every day in my thoughtful, caring family; my beloved mother, who I know has had the same problem singing as myself; my friends who, and I know even more than ever now, have been humming steadily and unwaveringly to me all along. I hope you all know I tried to hear you. I hope you know how thankful I am.

So we all stand on the edge of a new arrangement, with lyrics yet to be written. Notes yet to be set to music. A new year. Perhaps a song to sing. Perhaps the wish to sing it.

I offer all my love to you all, especially those who have also missed music in their lives and have felt their own kind of silence. May the New Year bring you all health and happiness, with beautiful songs to be found in both familiar and unexpected places. Please sing. I hope to hear more clearly.

Those who wish to sing always find a song. I know she would want me to sing, as she always has; even, or maybe especially, if it's in my own off-key way. I hope to find a song. I hope. And that's the difference.

XXX

Gar's Celebrity Twin

I've said it for years. All the way back when I watched "Gilmore Girls" and this fella played "Jess" - Rory Gilmore's boyfriend.

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Every time he was on screen he reminded me so much of my baby bro. It wasn't just the incredible physical resemblance; the character he played often brought Gareth into my living room too. The tough outer shell, with the sometimes prickly "I don't give a crap" air. This all masking the deep-thinking, caring, intelligent and thoughtful person, only the closest to him are fortunate to know.

Sweet. Inside and out.

So, Milo Ventimiglia and "Jess" - thanks for letting me live a little closer to my baby brother when miles and distance wouldn't.

Thursday, August 23, 2007

Dangerous When De-Caffeinated


Why, you ask? Well, I can't answer that one.

What I can answer is the following:

In case you've all ever wondered who you should thank for me being very rarely, if ever, without caffeine (hence, not 'dangerous'), well, that would be Stephen. My brother. He is singularly responsible for my always, ALWAYS, having money on my Starbucks card. And I'm forever grateful. No matter what's going on in my life, he, by doing this, makes sure that I always have somewhere to go and something to have - and it prevents me from feeling like a complete and utter bum. And so when I walk out the door of Starbucks carrying my frappuccino or triple grande, I'm always leaving with much, much more than 'just a cup of coffee.' He will never know just how much his best-friendship means to me.

In closing, on those occasions when you find me "putupwithable", let it be known, Stephen's the reason why. Send your gratitude thataway!

Now, I'm going to go have a cup.

Will this thing see the light of day?

That's really the question :)